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i am an individual. i am unique in the sense that i am a one-of-a-kind combination of reused ideas. there is no other person in the world exactly like me. there are people similar to me, certainly, as is the same for everyone i think, but no one is exactly like me.
i find this all quite thrilling, but i have been asking myself and almost lethal amount of questions lately, freezing me up and making it hard for me to function. here are some of them (mixed in with statements/conclusions that i've ended up with:)
- when people say they "don't judge," they can't possibly mean that to the full extent because everyone judges.
- what is the point of Tumblr? i understand that it can be a source of inspiration, but mostly, it seems like a recycling of moments of other people's lives.
- why is it that society, as a whole in general, tends to shun the black sheep when there's nothing freaking wrong with being the black sheep?
- Facebook, in my opinion, puts things in whack. I mean this in the sense that its changed the way that people talk to each other. "Catching up" doesn't really mean the same thing as it used to.
but there it is again. YouTube is a great GREAT tool to get your creative content out there, but at what point doesn't it get to be more a contest for views and shit than being about the actual music, or film-making, or... soul? (AUGH WHY DID I TAKE THE PHILOSOPHY CLASS?! Now I question everything that doesn't have a FREAKING ANSWER.)another thing-- i have the desire to be beautiful, but i have thought about this way too much and almost each time i've hammered at the whole possibility of buying myself clothes, dressing myself up, etc. ... more than being beautiful is being true. which, if you allow it, can be synonymous with beautiful.
my studio art teacher shared with the class an enlightening essay the other day, reading it to us as the class tried its best to draw a skeleton on paper with conte. (so difficult, hahaha.) he concluded with his own thoughts, basically telling us that money should never be the main motivation to produce art as an artist.
i know that sounds painfully obvious, but it was sort of a wake up call for me. and big font so i'll notice it straight-away when i come around in the future.
see, i'm a pretty jealous person. it's kind of my vice. like, i'd never do wrong onto someone out of jealousy. it's just something that i keep to myself-- but it's intrinsically destructive.
AND MY GOODNESS, I'M GETTING FLIPPIN' TIRED. i hate hating. it's uncool, man. seriously, it's so intertwined with the way i think and breathe and live... it's a lot better than when i was in high school-- i've gotten better at seeing the awesome side of things in the past year or so... but want to rid this self-depreciating darkness out of myself FOREVAAAAA. so i'm working on dat hahahahmmm... in terms of my appearance and my character-- more, my being-- i am by no means what is deemed by social standards "elegant," or "sexy." i'm this lanky, filipino kid who likes to wear coats that are too large with leggings. i swear like a sailor, love typography and design, and the fact is, i'm quite the walking contradiction. by this, i mean that, apart from my underlying love for irony, i am a kid who has always not always favoured the thought of becoming an accountant... i'm an artsy-crafty kid by nature, but i ended up on an unusual path.
and despite it all, i'm starting to like it. people i know don't believe me, and sometimes i don't believe me either. its good and well even though sometimes i feel a little like i'm going insane as i buffer between a world of numbers and a world of colours and writing and drawing and singing...but i hope that somehow, on this journey, i find a way to be elegant and beautiful and great in my own, weird way. and mostly, i hope to make myself my own and to stop giving a shit about what some other people think... because God knows i think about that more than i think about anything else. soooo....
damn it, this is sort of when i wish there was a manual to guide people in.
business student? Not happy with societal norms? Don't want to be part of social networking but still interested in networking? Then, YEAH OKAY DO DIS !! ---> ________________. if only, right? :-/
i have SERIOUSLY been debating this internally for, continuously, six months now, and on and off since three or four years ago. I DUNNO WAT DO I DO. :-( like, i invested so much fookin time into FB and i have pictures and friends and shit... but like... what the hell man.
and notice how my blog formality sort of just went out the window, puahaha. but yeh, some questions for you to hurt your brain a little. or a lot.
- jenPS: I LOVE MEME FACES YAYAYAYA
