Cupcakes & Carnage

Source: Love Aesthetics @ http://love-aesthetics.blogspot.ca/

Source: http://www.asofterworld.com/

Source: http://hhholy.blogspot.ca/

Love Aesthetics @ http://love-aesthetics.blogspot.ca/

An inspiration set collected over the last 12 hours by a snotty jen.

later days,
cough* jen *cough

I was trying to come up with a creative title and I succeeded and it was deep and then I forgot what it meant. LOL

Long day but I was heller excited. (Bee tee dubs, hell --> hella --> heller for some reason.) Instead of getting to sleep in, A.K.A. getting up and out of bed at some time around 9:00am, I was prepping to play the photographer for an arts dialogue taking place at Creekside Community Centre in Vancouver. A friend of mind from high school and university who is a good half of ArtQuake, a non-profit group focused on youth, activism and the arts, called me a couple of days prior to the event asking if I would be privy to take some shots and, itching to flex some sort of creative muscle, I agreed to be part of the lovely event.

More on that later, though. I hope to post my review of the event on the ArtQuake blog, as I am a sporadically a guest blogger there.

Then I headed home after the great event and found myself headed off to some weird location with my sister near Commercial to pick up a script for one of her plays and then we were off to Metro to try to catch the Canadian version of "black Friday deals." Which is silly because black Friday here is secretly actually more like a black weekend, lol.

Anyways, my head has been chugging long and hard all day and one thing I came up with is that I have finally admitted to myself that I really don't like shopping (in most cases.) I can't help but think about how a couple of other people out there have the exact same thing as I do. 

I tried to pick apart further why I would probably never be one of those "haul" kids who so enthusiastically blog and vlog about the cool stuff they just purchased. I remembered that I didn't buy much when I was a kid and I was very limited in what I could purchase when I was a teen because I wasn't allowed to get a job.

Buying things was more associated to a feeling of guilt rather than something to be enjoyed. This was because the belief that every dollar was hard earned was very much what I used to hearing. And so I grew up with a declining interest in going out and shopping because I would always feel ashamed at some point for using my parents' hard-earned dollars on things like candy and going to movies with friends.

This problem still pokes around at the back of my head but it's not quite as bad as I'm using my own earnings rather than my parents' at this point. Still, I think this might still have something to do with my reluctance and indecisiveness in buying things. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a haul blog or vlogger. It's totally fine-- it just isn't entirely my piece of cake.

So I made an aim to try to twiddle with things  in my wardrobe more often. Truth be told, I have a whole whack of clothing items that are waiting for me to figure something out with some needle and thread. It's calling out to me more than ever and I feel that I should definitely get to that. I've made a list of things to touch on in the summer and yeah, some things got done, but many things didn't. And maybe this "many" should get closer to becoming done.

But for now, here is a picture of what I got. Buying business-y clothing is long over-due for me, considering I've been in my program for a good... Three years and a semester. I have no idea how I survived all that time without these things, lmbo. So here it is, in all its' yellow-bag glory:


The two shirts in the two left aren't too relevant. Just stuff to slink around for rainy weather when coffee and novels are tempting entertainment for the duration of those days. One belongs to my sister but I will likely be sneaking it out every once in awhile, hahaha. I'm looking for ways to make these pieces unique. I used to think it was not good to be an "individual." Apparently, I have been wrong about this all this time. So I will find a way to make this snazzy.

And now, I am home, doing this (blogging,) satisfied with the Qoola and A&W that was quickly consumed prior to returning home. Now I shall disappear into the depths of my warm bed where this developing sore-throat will hopefully go away.

Snapshots from this evening, after said mall adventure:

Post-It Notes that I need to review from a meeting.

Sick-kid goods.

Fog, which I don't really get tired of. Ever.

Later days,
- Jen

disclaimer: reference to in-show violence. possibly spoilers.

I Am Anne Frank (Part II) 

• Anne Frank gets straight jacked by Dr. Arden. Stabs her with stuff. Either becomes one of his experiments or ends up in the oh-so-mysterious meat bucket/crate of doom.
• Dr. Thredson figures out the paperwork to get Lana out of Briarcliff. Takes her home to stay with him/insists upon staying with her at her house so she isn't alone on her first couple of days. Tries to get her to shake her girl-attraction but fails... And kills her. (Because he's "Bloody Face.")
• Monsignor smokes more and looks cool
• Kit falls deeper in love with Shelley. Or is pretending to. Does not actually believe he killed Alma.
• Anne Frank shoots Grace. Or Grace shoots herself. Or Grace eats Dr. Arden. 
•  Sister Mary continues on fucking shit up between the characters, leaving bread crumbs for people to find
• Sister Jude is still annoying, but we need her to be. More snooping. Discovers more about Dr. Arden's past and how he pokes and prods at people.

I always knew, on a weird level, that I could be a party-pooper. Once I got called a 'Debbie-downer,' which I thought was intensely accurate, save for the fact that my name isn't Debbie. I've been doing a good (excessive) amount of self-reflection (self-sabotage) lately and I figured that... This really has to stop.


No, seriously, these gifs are basically a re-enactment of my emotions since fall started.

My perspective on things are currently quite grim. On my bad days, I think everything is redundant and doing anything is pointless. On the few good days, I think every ounce of energy put towards something has an awesome, positive outcome. Sadly, most days, it fails to be the latter.

So how am I going to try to curb this habit of doom and gloom? Here are a list of things I'm going to try out:

1. Actually make an effort to get dressed in the morning.
2. Make a REASONABLE to-do list and try my best to complete it!
3. Eat food. 
4. Take reasonable breaks and do reasonable amounts of work to match said breaks.
5. Stop beating myself up about everything.
6. Find time to take care of myself.
7. Read something that isn't a textbook!
8. Make art.
9. Sleep with a consistent amount of hours over a prolonged span of time.
10. Restate the good things that happened to you at the end of the day in a journal so you can see that the world doesn't actually suck as much as you think it does.

On and off for the past 5+ years, I've been trying to do this consistently. Its all just sort of failed because I think I have a very dangerous tendency of trying to take it all on at once. For some reason, even though on a deeper level I understand that most people if all cannot expect to do so well so quickly in changing bad habits about themselves, I keep on thinking that I can do it. But I think it's just obvious that progression is called 'progression' and not 'leaping' for a reason. Need to get that through my head.

SO. This week, I think I'll try the one on reading! I haven't read a book every day for a week since I was very young, I think! Ever since then, if I had done that, it would always be when I was supposed to be doing something else.

More updates later! I would also love to hear of any things you do when you are particularly uninspired to try to get your butt back on the productivity train.

UGH I'M SO EXCITED GUYS. Change can too be exciting. 

Jen!

I have been an on and off blogger since I was in grade seven. I accumulated at least eight Xanga accounts over six years. Other platforms I experimented with were Asian Avenue, Livejournal and Myspace. I believe I started with Blogger/Blogspot when I was in in grade ten and have made and deleted at least five blogs. I have something like five Tumblr blogs at the present moment, and two Blogger/Blogspots among other things.

I have always been a very distracted blogger, unable to consistently publish over an extended period of time. I think it's because I am too eager to serve audiences over so many different platforms. Mostly, I love playing around with blogs-- learning the differences between their layouts and how I can design them to fit my needs.

But I've been thinking about getting more serious about blogging lately. I don't write in a journal and I understand that the internet may not be the ideal place for some of the things one might right in a journal, but I wanted to have a record of my days on earth. Even more than this, I've been thinking more and more about the importance of documenting my artistic journey through life.

So I've decided to calm down and cut down. To minimize and focus. I've got a pen in hand and a couple of options to cut down on my diluted efforts. Not going to lie but I'm pretty stoked guys! Just thought I'd update from my side of the world. Should be getting fun soon.

- j