Cupcakes & Carnage

So I just came back from the theatre with my chums and we saw Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters in 3D. And, well...


AH MAH GAH
AH MAH GAH
AHH
AHHH
AHHHH
AH MAH GAH
...
AHH
ahhhhhh ahhhh
omggggggg sooooo GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD AHHHH AHHHAHHH OMGOSH OMGOSH ACK \\sjsadkjfqkwe@#23434tkwenrfn,mqw3jek'p I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND I DON'T GET IT HOW IS IT SO GOOD WHY IS IT SO WONDERFUL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But yes, alright, okay, I swear I can make it through this blog post in one lovely piece. Or, er... maybe one kind of... teary, slobbery piece of person. Uh.

ALSO, a disclaimer before you get any further. There MAY BE SPOILERS. This is my first movie review type of thing and I am trying my best not to reveal too much because I hate spoilers myself... So at least now, if I slip up, I've warned you !

I saw the trailer and wasn't too impressed by it at first to be completely honest. My first impression of it was that it was very clever to take an old tale by the Grimm brothers and to revamp it. It looked like one of those beefy movies with otherwise zero plot but glorious, copious amounts of bullet shells and blood and gore. And I'm not really sure if I make it known, but I'm quite the fan of lighter, unrealistic blood and gore. I watch American Horror Story, so maybe that will give you an idea of what I mean.

Here's the trailer, so you might make an opinion of it all yourself:


Coming back from watching it, I took another gander at the trailer... And I really do not feel that it did the actual movie justice. It didn't represent the experience well in the sense that the movie was actually better than the trailer. And it's weird, because I don't think that's ever really been the case for me. I find movies have a tendency of either 1) getting all the good bits and putting them in the trailer so that the movie actually falls below your expectations, or 2) the trailer is equivalent to the hype, like it usually is with anything Marvel, I find.

Ooh, update! I just found this trailer, which isn't really aired because it has a mature rating. So be warned, there's a lot more blood in this trailer. I just realized that maybe that was why the previous, generally more publicized trailer didn't really represent the movie quite as well. I had forgotten than not everyone is over 18 =p


This is definitely more representative of the actual movie, and it does give away too much I think. But there's still lots of good stuff in the movie itself, so it's not too bad !

I won't go into the plot because I really need you to go see this movie, and hopefully I motivate you to at least get curious about all this H&G, buttttt the plot was so odd that it ended up working quite well. It reminded me of Sucker Punch, Snakes on a Plane and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. They all have staying power in the memory because of how kooky they are.

Also, seeing grown-up versions of childhood characters has always been something that has appealed to me, so this was great to see two hot (HOT) siblings kicking witch booty.

The dialogue was base, but there was effective use of the script. Excellent comedy pockets here and there. It is, after all, classified as a "Action/Adventure/Comedy/Horror" movie (thanks Google,) so I guess asking for a nice juicy script would be too much because time has to be made for all of the blood and the jumping around and kicking witches.

Something I do with movies is that sometimes I view them and assess them as stills, or photographs. If there are stills that I would want to hang up on my wall in my bedroom, then I know that this movie has done it for me. And I'm pretty picky about what I put on my walls. I also did film for a year in secondary school, which kind of ruined movies for me in a way because I sometimes see them from the filming perspective. I turned that off for this movie and really just focused on consuming the story-telling, but the shots were generally average. Nothing going on like breaking the rule like The Matrix did with a 360 rotation, haha. There weren't any still images or super beautifully filmed tidbits that I would seclude and surround myself with, unfortunately. Anything to do with the siblings in the candy house, watching the witch burn is lovely though. That was the bit that I favored most aesthetically.


Something that got me real good through, and that I am thoroughly impressed with though is the costume and make-up of all the witches. Hooooooooooly crap, I have so much respect for the people who conceptualized the witches. There were so many of them and I loved that each of them was unique in appearance and ability. They were pretty ugly, but ugly in a beautiful way haha. I am so damned impressed with dem witches. Here are some of the ones you'll get to see =):

 I almost died at the beginning of the movie for another reason entirely. There was a shot of a bow and I swear I knew subconsciously that Hansel's weapon was NOT a bow, but I freaked out in the theatre for a little bit until I rediscovered that Gretel's weapon of choice was a bow. I was like "HNGGGGGGG HAWKEYE IS HANSEL IS HAWKEYE WITH BOWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAH!" But no, it was Gretel with the bow... LOL.

Hansel's designated weapon was a really big gun. Which my friend pointed out one-third through the movie, looked a lot like a dick. I didn't even think about that and throughout the rest of the movie, I couldn't un-see Hansel's "ween-gun." THANKS ELLEN LOL.

HAVE YOU BEEN RUINED YET?

WHOOPS, SORRY.

I went to see this movie for the opportunity to chill with my friends and fan-girl about Jeremy Renner but ended up liking this movie much more than I have liked a movie for awhile, (The Avengers.) SO YEAH. THAT IS MY FIRST EVER MOVIE REVIEW, I AM ALIVE ='D