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It's quite possibly the biggest truth of my life. I was never really the one to smile. People asked me to smile and I would try but it would never feel right. I need to really be exploding with "YES" to smile. I wasn't really the happiest kid when I was growing up. It wasn't because I had some shitty upbringing, but more that I feel my creativity was smothered. That, and I was, and still sometimes am, painfully shy. I feel that my creativity is the only gateway to my happiness. At least that I am aware of, as of now.
But I'm happy to say, that I am smiling more than ever. Which is synonymous with me creating more than ever. I think this might be what it feels like to be in love-- because I am. I am in love with almost every aspect of my life. It's insane that I could've been feeling this earlier, that I didn't have to be miserable when I was in high school, that this is what kept me wondering about other people who were kind and happy with their lives.
I predict a great year ahead. So far, 2011 has definitely been one of a kind. I am proud, and most of all, grateful.
- j
